cosmo tip #384
after giving a blowjob stand up and say “I ATE THE BONES?” as loud as possible
Shout out to all the religious kids who keep their beliefs to themselves in the middle of science class.
shout out also to the atheists who don’t shit on everyone else’s beliefs “because science”
graham norton during Eurovision 2013: the best of
- graham: if two girls kissing offends you, then grow up
- on ireland performance: good news for the irish economy, i hear they’ve discovered oil there. too bad it’s baby oil and they appear to have used it all on his backing dancers.
- graham on montenegro: the picture quality of the moon landing was better than this link to Montenegro
- montenegro: we have to be brief, don’t we?
- graham: yes
- graham: i don’t think bonnie can win now, i don’t know, i’m not carol vorderman.
- petra: we're half through voting now
- graham: oh that's depressing
- estonia: shows up
- graham: is he standing outside a prison?
- albania: petra you look gorgeous tonight!
- graham: better than you
- albanian guy: (singing) should i live, should i die without your love--
- graham: you should leave
- eric: i'll help you to the bathroom
- graham: don't do that eric, that's how rumours start
- germany: we're having so much fun!!!1!
- graham: speak for yourself
- dude: breathes
- graham: oh look, it's sideshow bob, nice of him to show up
- petra: azerbaijan won 2 years ago, it can still happen now!
- graham: god, please, no
- denmark: winning
- graham: busy right now, just won the eurovision, i'll call back later. #donereallywell!!1!1!
- voting after denmark has won: proceeds, ppl giving points to russia or idk
- graham: can someone please tell her she can't win now
- graham: oh flowers now, marvellous
- graham: my taxi is waiting outside so if she could sing as quick as possible, that would be nice
EUROVISION IS OVER
See you guys next year in Denmark, it’s been fun:
(Or Eurovision Junior?)
wasn’t Eurovision Junior cancelled?
- sweden's host: hello lena!
- graham norton: UGH
- graham norton: i thought i'd see one eurovision without lena, but here she is
- graham norton: even the rain couldn't stop her
- germany's host: we're having so much fun!
- graham norton: speak for yourself lena
